As I was preparing for my talk show with my daughter, Hannah Alexandria we were discussing life as she knows it and some of the challenges she faces as a girl. A few days ago, she was extremely excited as she handed me a permission slip to play Intramural Flag Football. As she handed me the slip, I sighed.
She went on to tell me that she had to “BAMM A BOY” because he told her that girls could not play football. She said she said nothing and proceeded to SCORE two touch downs. After the game was over, she walked up to him and said “BAMM”.
Now, as I am reliving this moment with her, the first book I wrote for my Girl Power collection was GIRLS CAN DO THAT and on the back cover, is a picture of my Hannah holding a football in cute sandals.
Lord, look at what I have created. Eight years later, here she is jumping up and down about playing football.
I am conflicted.
Because she is gorgeous and I do not want her banged up.
“It’s flagg, Mommy”.
I thought, I DO NOT CARE.
So here I am. The Girl Power Super Woman, with a mini me on steroids, and a permission slip to play football.
I sat at my desk just looking at her and searching my liberated soul for an answer.
I remember when I was not happy about her being a cheerleader. I frowned at that permission slip. Admonishing her to play, coach, lead. I have never been excited about the sport of cheerleading that started off as unpaid male booty shaking entertainment. I am not opposed to booty shaking, but GET PAID FOR IT, shake ass on your terms and get paid well.
But she insisted…and won that battle because, I made myself feel better about it because I convinced myself to believe that it is a sport and she would learn valuable skills. (Umm hmmm.)
So here we are a year later and she wants to score more touch downs because she is fast as hell (got that sprint speed from her Mama) and she liked proving this simple little boy wrong.
And all I can think about is how gorgeous she is and how I do not want her banged up. (Being pretty is not anti-femmy…it adds super power).
Bad, feminist. Bad Mommy.
Being a girl now is such an exciting time. She has the option to play football and just ten years ago this was unheard of. Sam Gordon, the football star highlighted in this YOU TUBE video is doing the damn thing and I applaud her. She is fierce. She is amazing! But do I want my daughter on this field?
It is fascinating to see my daughter growing up strong, powerful, confident and knowing. Knowing that she can do anything that she wants to do and having the courage to defy imposed gender limitations and just go for it. I am proud that she is not programmed to find a husband by 22 who will take care of her and provide a cushy life. I am proud that she wants to go to Harvard, become a Veterinarian rescuing abandoned animals all over the world as she dances and dazzles in between. When she shares these elaborate plans I listen and take them to the spirit realm and cover them and her in prayer.
As she sits at my feet, I am teaching her how to CREATE her own cushy life and how to SHAPE it. I am proud that she understands that she is created in the image of God and she does not need a man to take care of her, raise her, shape her or save her.
She makes me proud.
So, when I asked her if she thinks she will get married she says she doesn’t know. She wants to love and be loved but she isn’t sure if she wants to be tied down to one person. This is where my mother and grandmother would give her the side eye, and the good girls keep their legs closed speech.
Love you Regina and Lily Mae but all girls are good and they do whatever they want with their legs and what is in between them.
Hannah is clear about who she is and who she wants to become. How she gets there will be a sweet evolution of lessons, trial and error. One thing is for sure, she knows that she is the only one who decides what she will do. Watching her discover her personal power is breath taking.
My promise is to support her and cheer her along the way and I must live in truth with her.
FACE MY FEARS.
I do not want her to get hurt but I must face that fear withing myself and NOT transfer it to her. It is not fair or right for me to subject her to my fears…regardless of how substantiated they may be. They are MINE not HERS.
She does not have any fears and that is a beautiful thing.
Today, I have to face this as it relates to football. In a few years, it may be more sophisticated. She may want to study abroad over the summers, backpack out of her car with friends as they explore Madagascar or only God knows what.
My job is to equip her to protect herself and trust her God. She won’t always have me there but she will always have herself there and God there. I got to do the work of preparation and not fearful protection.
Shit. Shit. Shit.
Writing always helps me get to where I am supposed to be.
Digging in my office trash now…..where is that damn permission slip?
-The Mommy All About Auspicious Living