As I sit on the patio of my suite, taking in the birds chirping in the quite of the morning, I sip coffee in a state of meditation. Not serious “close your eyes” postured meditation. Just reflective.
Thinking about everything. My 46 years on this planet, my children, my extended family, my loves, my lessons. Summarizing my accomplishments and examining my experiences that some would say were mistakes.
I do not believe in mistakes.
For years, I have resisted calling myself a SINGLE WOMAN, one who is not married (there are only two relationship statuses; single or divorced) because I did not like the stigma or limitations the label imposed.
Whenever someone asked me why relationship status, I would say unmarried or head of household and they would give me that “ok you are deep look”.
I resisted the label because whenever I have heard a woman say she was single it supported some state of lack or limitation. Here are a few single statements I have heard over the years that make me cringe.
- I do not have the dues for basketball camp. I am a single mom.
- I can’t go to Italy. I am a single mom.
- I do not have money for new uniforms, I am a single mom.
- We cannot live there. I can’t afford it, I am a single mom.
- I work two jobs. I am a single mom.
- No, kids, you can’t do that. I am a single mom.
- I can’t. I am single.
I never believed my marital status would be an indication of how I lived or how well I lived. I rejected the notion that my children would suffer because I was not qualified to give them a great life.
I am capable. I am able. I do.
I provide my kids a great life!
If you are a woman reading this who is single and have been scolded by the voices that say you are somehow limited, unhappy, unable and incapable of living an AMAZING LIFE full of AMAZING EXPERIENCES because you are not married,
This is not shade but this is real. Married people are lying to you (misery loves company). Here are some stats as it relates to legally married people.
- Most married couples need two incomes to support an overextended lifestyle
- They have double and triple digit debt
- Over 80% are cheating, emotionally or physically
- Over 80% of married women check their husbands phones and pockets for evidence of cheating
- Married women are not as happy as married men
- Over 90% of married women make “compromises” they do not want to make to support their husbands
- Married women feel obligated to “check in” with their husbands before making any significant plans (travel, career, purchases, etc.)
- Married women are not as healthy
- Married people often work late and engage in extracurricular activities to decrease time spent at home
- Children whose parents are faking it, know it
- Children are better off with one authentically happy parent than two who have settled
Does that sound like bliss?
When it comes to income, two incomes are two incomes and that equates to more income but the reality of the matter is most married people have more bills than income, hence they live in hole with just enough air to breath.
I am sharing this not to attack legal marriage but to put this thing in perspective and expose the misconceptions.
Married life is not a better life and marriage is not for everyone.
Being single is a choice that has amazing benefits the chief for me being FREEDOM.
Now, to be clear I SUPPORT LOVE. Love is a must have. Love that is honest, pure, true, reliable, steadfast, forgiving, faithful and transparent. I am in love with love. I am in love with covenant.
As I prepare to spend the rest of my life with an amazing man, one who does not need to put a ring leash on me, this I know for sure. I am loving on terms that I can not only live with, but terms I want to live with.
I am the SINGLE WOMAN Warrior Chick. I own real estate. I own several vehicles. My children attend great schools. I provide opportunities for others. I get paid to do what I love and I go where I want to go and when.
My children have never heard me say we can’t do something because I am not limited by anything.
Single is simply the state of being unmarried. Nothing more. Nothing less.
The life we carve out is the life we carve out…with our hands. Do not allow anyone to project their misery or limitations onto you. You are who you say you are and you can have what you want to have.
I am a living witness.
Happily Single, Happily in Love, Happily Happy.
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